The power of love: how loved – loved?
How do we understand that this is love, not cheap? How do we define the power of love, which helps us answer the questions “Love or not? Love or just like? How much?” How many people – so many answers.
Everyone has their own language of love: the language of mindfulness or the language of gifts, the language of the time given to you only – or the language of help, the language of greedy sex, tender touches, the language of admiring words and the language of obedience. If you speak with your beloved in different languages of love, then the strongest love may seem to be none, between you – misunderstanding …
Everyone has their own signs of love – those markers and beacons that signal a person that he loves. Someone speaks about the power of love simply by the totality of signs, but the signs of love speak no more about the power of love, but about its volume and boundaries. Here it is – not here. There was – it ended here.
On questions about the power of love, women are more likely to find an answer in their hearts and feelings: the heart trembles, next to it I lose my will – beloved. Men (if they are not only boys, but men) more often answer these questions with decisions and deeds. I chose, decided, made an offer, gave a word – I keep my word and am proud of what I love.
For some, everything is simple: either I love, or I don’t love, there is no third. People with more subtle mental organization know both the shades and the power of feeling, may notice their mental cooling, and someone – and maintain internal combustion.
Those for whom love is equal to falling in love силу, the power of love is measured by physical burden to the beloved and a share of extravagance: the brains are blown away – it means that love is strong. The power of love-passion is assessed by the willingness to perform for the sake of a loved one of recklessness, to throw everything at the feet of the beloved, so that it is expensive before. Not counting spending money. But if the mind is preserved (or restored) – love is not valid.
People of an experiential type measure the power of love with time and the depth of suffering when a loved one is lost. A widow is crying – it means she loved. For many, “Love or Not” is simply determined by how painful it is to lose this person.
If it doesn’t hurt, it’s not loved, if it hurts, it’s loved. Terribly hurt – very beloved …
More precisely, it is not quite love. This is pre-love, this is need, this is affection. As Vladimir Levi wisely wrote,
Love is measured by the measure of forgiveness,
affection – the pain of parting …
As the personality grows, the “love or not” criterion becomes different. “Beloved” begins to mean: I am attentive to you, I talk to you, you are dear to me, it’s not difficult for me to give in to you, I’m ready to forgive you for not forgiving others, I care for you with joy. But at the same time, if something happens to you, if you leave, I can not torture myself … If love was not mutual, then there is no point, and if you loved me, then you yourself always wished me only happiness, but it’s dear to me what is dear to you
But the other person: he will not care about you, will curse at you, yell, you are to blame for everything. But if he parted with you, he would suffer, he would shoot himself — he was terribly in pain.
Question: What kind of person do you need? Who does nothing, but only scandal and then suffers from a sense of guilt; or who cares and loves light? If you want him to also suffer when you are not around, then the question is: why?
For adults, love is still care and attention when you are together, and not torment after breaking up. People of an active type measure the strength of love with their willingness to conquer, give presents and take care: to rejoice at the opportunity to take care of their beloved.
Wife cares – it means she loves. At night, the inscription appeared on the pavement: “Good morning, love!” – someone after all did not sleep at night to bring out each letter to give to the beloved – joy.
Love is measured not by suffering and fear, but by joy and deeds. Care and attention, the desire for a person and the joy of being together, the desire to give and responsibility in obligations is the main axis that measures the power of love.
What is love: the place of the beloved (loved) on the scale of values
However, even having decided on the axis, we have not yet answered the question – where is my or your love located on this axis? Each of us has its own hierarchy of life values, and each love takes its place in this hierarchy. Any girl wonders what place she occupies in the heart of a young man: if it’s higher than beer, but lower than mother, it’s a shame. If above all other women, but after the business – normal.