Falling asleep in the evening, we expect that tomorrow will be morning. Leaving the train, the girl expects from the guy a hand on which she can lean. The expectations of adequate people is an idea of what is likely to happen.
However, there are other expectations. If I’m really looking forward to writing, my desire, my WANT, and my belief that I MUST write a letter are behind this. Wishes and beliefs, our WANT and confidence that SOMEONE SOMETHING SHOULD be the basis of subjective expectations, which are associated with dreams and excitement, experiences and disassembly.
A typical sign of intense expectations is the annoyance that you experience in the presence of a particular person. If you often cannot cope with yourself, throw caustic reproaches, go to provoke a conflict – most likely you are expecting something from a person.
Are people obliged to do what you expect from them? Of course not. You never know who is waiting for someone from whom … Young people are waiting for the girl to go and have sex with him right away, because they like each other, and he wants to. And the girls are waiting for young people to confess their love to them right away, or even offer them to marry. Not. Many of our expectations are not legitimate and not realistic, and it is better to say goodbye to these expectations right away.
Mentally adults make it easy: in fact, they do not expect anything and not from anyone without serious reasons, their original principle “NO ONE ANYTHING SHOULD ANYTHING.” It’s difficult and painful for people with the soul of a child with their unrealistic and unrealistic expectations: they are used to believing in fairy tales, they are used to the fact that they have to have everything they want. They are accustomed to insist on their desires …
Lovely, sooner or later, childhood ends. It’s time to grow up. If you walk and heat up your unrealistic expectations, there will be only one thing: you will walk tense and angry. Do you need this? In addition, a lot of extra time is spent on unproductive conversations and experiences, and efficient people have no extra time.
How to understand what your expectations are, realistic or not? To wait or not to wait for this man to make you an offer? The most serious recommendation sounds like mockery: “Turn your head on. Start thinking!” Unfortunately, this is not a mockery. A huge number of people, especially girls, prefer to live with feelings, not including the head, without thinking, filling themselves with dreams and hopes, then fears and fears. If you ask such a girl simple questions: “With how many girls did this man meet you in the last six months? Did he divorce? Did he introduce you to his parents? Did he discuss the topic of family and children with you, or at least jointly spend the next holiday?” then the girl is quite capable of answering them on her own and arriving at a very definite answer.
Remove feelings, start thinking. If you can not understand yourself, talk to smart people. If you have already tried everything (connected your relatives, friends, psychologist to the brainstorming, re-read many books and films on this topic), and the situation is still there or even some deterioration – it seems you are breaking into the closed door and there is nothing to expect. Your expectations are unrealistic and, most likely, it is better for you to occupy yourself with another project.
Instead of starting to think, many people prefer to complain: “I always helped him, and he rejected me when I first needed help from him,” “Close people should not betray”, etc. This is empty, stop complaining: your words will not change anything. Who told you that people are reasonable and the world is fair?
Adequate people expect only what can really be obtained. And smart people not only expect, but they also pronounce their expectations directly, openly (and usually politely). Do not keep your expectations in yourself, do not play telepathy. No one will climb into your head, and your feeling “how can you not guess so?” And “how can you not understand this ?!” – only your problems.
Therefore, if your expectations are legitimate – talk about your expectations, make them in requests or proposals. It is not obvious that your requests and suggestions will be responded, but at least you have tried and can already draw conclusions from which people you can expect. Learn to understand people. Only those who are dear to you, 2) who are afraid of losing you, and 3) people empathic in their character trait will respond to your expectations. Therefore: select people and build relationships where you are needed and expensive. This is more promising.