About the conquest of women
Periodically I hear that a woman needs to be conquered (to conquer). Once I almost agreed with this thesis. But, since I felt a trick, I could not take it completely. I even had to invent a way out: they say, a woman needs to be conquered every day, because the woman who falls asleep next to me today is not quite the one who wakes up next to me tomorrow morning.
What do you think? It works! For some people with whom I shared this idea, this approach has become almost salutary. But it still seemed to me that they were throwing me somewhere. Recalling my ability to find fault with words, I paid attention to the verb “conquer”.
So, win. If we consider that our speech is a reflection of our thoughts, then it becomes absolutely incomprehensible why we speak in terms of war about relationships, an extremely good and warm sphere (in its normal form), so to continue the occupation. ). Asking this question, I went to find out what was happening. As one respondent, all respondents answered that if something gets easy, it is less appreciated.
Okay, let’s say. Take an example. Here is a man who loves to read. Suppose that he really wants to read K.Alushi’s book, Booth Shows To Be Fuzzy. He is looking for this book, scouring the ruins of the markets, asking in stores, searching the Internet, terrorizing friends. Finally, finds. Hooray, it worked!
He sits down and starts reading. Characteristically, he likes the book and reads it with pleasure, because the book is good.
The question arises: what if he did not run after this book? In this case, he would read without pleasure? With less pleasure? But what does the search for a book have to do with reading it? It is clear that there is a causal link, who would argue – did not find the book, did not read. However, what does a person enjoy then – by the fact that he was so great and was scouring a lot for this book, or the fact that he is reading a good book?
I think that in the first case we are dealing with a neurotic. A healthy person enjoys what he has, no matter how much energy was invested in it. Because otherwise, the criterion of pleasure is not the quality of, say, a thing, but the effort expended in obtaining it. This, sorry, is an unhealthy approach. If the buzz comes from the effort, then you have to constantly achieve something and get buzz from it, not interested in the fact of achievement.
A healthy attitude is to enjoy what is. Who cares where to watch the sunset if the sunset is the same? If you really want to sleep, then what’s the difference silk sheets or satin? I can sleep in a sleeping bag with the same pleasure. And without a sleeping bag. Because it is important to sleep, and not the material of the sheets. Continuation
I know where this thought comes from: “What gets hard is appreciated.” This is born because of the inability to live here and now (this is also called the fear of living). Doping is necessary, stimuli, which somehow structure time, activity, life. A simple test. Try to spend an hour in the kitchen doing nothing. Think out? Not. Most will be bored. Because you definitely need to occupy yourself with something. That is why many people share this wonderful idea about “that which is hard to get is valued.”
Nonsense! Only what YOU appreciate is appreciated. And that’s all. If something becomes significant for a person only if he has invested heavily in it, then it’s not necessary to lie – he doesn’t appreciate the cause (person, thing, event, etc.). He appreciates his efforts and only. Actually, this is not bad. The bad thing is that he is lying to himself at this moment.
This is what leads many to love “for something”. But good mothers, by the way, love their children just like that. Because they are. The child does not need to win the mother. He is. And that’s why they love him.
So adults, if they want to love happily, just have to love a partner simply because he is. Without any.
Now back to conquest. They say that if I do not conquer this woman, I will not appreciate her. True? But the Germans, I wonder, did they greatly appreciate, say, Khatyn, which they, too, HAS conquered? Speech, thoughts, program us, whether we like it or not. If I won a woman, then I have the right to dispose of her. I conquered it. So now let him bring me slippers.
BUT? What? Are women already outraged? Right. Very fair. And precisely because a man conquered a woman and, let’s say, married her, he allows himself to relax. Why should he strain? He already got it. And who is to blame? A man who follows a social myth, or a woman who has set herself so that she has to be conquered? Both at once? Whole society? Whom?
By the way, I am also indignant when they say that men need to be tamed. Sorry, but the man is not a wild animal that needs to be tamed and used in the household.
I am laying down: many of the problems in a relationship go precisely because of this most amusing attitude that a woman should be conquered (and a man should be tamed, respectively).