Love and intimate relationships
Studies by ethologists have shown that the characteristics of men’s and women’s behavior are not unique: many animals have the same differences.
Monkey males have better spatial abilities and are more aggressive; females tend to cooperate and care for their neighbors. A reasonable question arises: why do they need it? The answer is fairly obvious: because they have different reproductive strategies.
The male tends to fertilize as many females as possible, which means that he has to move a lot and be able to defeat other males. The main share of care for the offspring rests on the female, which means that she must be caring, capable of empathy and inclined to teach.
In humans and other primates, males compete with each other, demonstrating the advantages of their genes, and females choose them. M initiates sexual behavior, and F controls it, choosing which genes to propagate and which ones to reject. Choose meticulously – status, wealth, intelligence. Perhaps F is not going to multiply at all, but the ancient layers of the brain responsible for sexual behavior do not know anything about the invention of contraceptives.
Interest in sex is awakened in boys earlier and becomes much more important for them than for girls. M dreams of sex, while M – about love. They need relationships and feelings, and sex makes sense only in their context.
Both women and men (most of them) love each other in themselves: she is because he loves her, he is because she gives him pleasure in sex. Before spending the night with a man, a woman wants to understand whether she loves him. And a man can understand whether he loves a woman after spending the night with her. And all this is because for a woman the goal is love, and sex is the means. For a man, on the contrary: the goal is sex, and love is the means. A woman wants a lot, but from one man. A man wants one, but from many women.
It is easier for a woman to fall in love than to confess his love. A man – it’s easier to admit than to fall in love.
“Men usually love those women who are respected; women respect men who are loved” (V. O. Klyuchevsky).
Men and women understand love differently, they value different things in love. Love or not? Love or just like? How much do I like? “Women are more likely to find answers to such questions in their hearts and feelings: the heart trembles, I lose my will – loved one. Men (if they are not only boys, but men) often answer these questions with decisions and actions. I made an offer, gave a word – I keep my word and I am proud of what I love. See →
Men and women have slightly different needs for love. Men in love and intimacy are important in their strength and ability, the lack of reproaches (acceptance of him as he is), appreciation for his care, admiration for his achievements, approval of his decisions and encouragement of his efforts. Women need something else, namely, concern, understanding, respect, loyalty, recognition, reinforcement of confidence.
Also, male and female jealousy – the phenomena of different nature. If a woman is confident in the love of her partner, the fact of physical treason can be indifferent to her. However, it is almost impossible to convince a woman that physical closeness was without feelings.